wake
The first time he finds her, he nearly collapses.
The second time he finds her, he can't let go.
The third time he finds her, he hides her away.
Yoo Joonghyuk, Yoo Mia, and the space between death.
this is a fic about Mia and Joonghyuk dying in various regression turns. this is a short work, and i don't write anything overly detailed, but if that concept bothers you please feel free to close this fic
suicide CW: one of the regression turns depicted in this fic ends in YJH committing suicide. it is incredibly brief. if this bothers you, please skip from "He'd have to try something else. " to "Mia laughs"
originally published on ao3
Yoo Joonghyuk climbs over pile after pile of rubble, doing everything he can to not collapse where he stands.
It's the 6th turn. Exhaustion slowly oozes out of him. The scenarios have barely gotten started.
He cradles Mia in his arms, her face hidden in his chest, her fists wound into his coat. He found her faster this time — if he was any later, even by a single second, maybe there wouldn't have been anything left of her at all. He's getting used to the minor inconsistencies that occur in each regression turn, but an entire building collapsing when it hadn't before isn't minor at all. He wonders what caused it. Surely, it must be related to something he did. What has he done differently this time?
He comes down on a chunk of asphalt the wrong way and jostles Mia. She shouts, the makeshift splints on her legs creaking with the movement. He mutters an apology and shifts her more securely in his arms, continuing his trek towards the next scenario location. He can't slow down. They have to get to safety before the sun sets.
Mia sniffles into his shirt. He regrets not having better medical skills. He'll have to work on that.
--
He focuses on the sound of Mia's slow breathing, picking it out from underneath the crackling of the fire and distant murmurs of the faceless incarnations freeloading in the base camp.
Someone drapes an extra blanket over her and says good night. Yoo Joonghyuk nods, never taking his eyes off of their surroundings.
It's the 14th turn. Someone has spread a rumor that incarnation Yoo Mia is the weak point of the Supreme King. He suspects a certain prophet. He needs to find her and kill her to be sure.
He takes out his sword and polish and carefully balances the blade on his legs. Where would that snake of a woman be found in this turn? She's yet to make an appearance in his dreams this time, other than once early on. Somewhere around 20 scenarios ago. But that was barely more than a greeting between strangers. She had almost seemed surprised to see him—
The woman in front of him smiles, an unfamiliar lack of malice on her face. Instead it's almost... placid. Maybe amused. Mia's name twists in her mouth with a false politeness that would make anyone want to tear her head open bare-handed.
—maybe she never intended to make contact with him this time. Maybe she had contented herself with plans to destroy him with Mia. She's failed so far. He has the wounds to show for it.
He hears a distant clang. He tenses, his grip moving to the hilt of his sword, his legs ready to spring into action. He hears a distant sorry. No one else reacts. An incarnation must have dropped something, how clumsy of them.
Mia stirs next to him, her head pressing into the side of his thigh. The small point of contact loosens his shoulders and unfurls the tightness in his chest the slightest amount.
He props his sword against the wall behind them, reaching down to carefully rest his hand on Mia's head. He rubs his thumb in a soothing circle, the grease of her hair clinging to his skin.
His face is gentle. Rest. I'll keep you alive. That unspoken promise will leave nothing but raw grief in his throat when she dies in ten days.
--
Yoo Joonghyuk coughs like he's trying to regurgitate his stomach. The Thousand Spirits Poison drags his limbs down, his body unable to completely fight off the paralysis. He doesn't have enough resistance to it yet. He hadn't expected The Poisoner to attack him so ruthlessly.
He won, but at what cost?
It's the 20th turn. His bones creak as he pushes himself down the street, clinging to each toppled building and broken railing he passes. He needs to get back to their base camp. He has to keep going.
He might die as soon as he gets there. He might die before he gets there.
He grits his teeth, taking various medicines out of his pocket with far too much effort. He pours all the dried herbs, the crushed horns, the extracts and waters and essences, into his mouth. There isn't enough to save him, but there's enough to keep him going for now.
He continues.
He struggles.
His throat goes numb. His hands lock up.
His eyes water, and he cries unconsciously.
This is too pathetic. He's tired. He needs to take a break.
He tucks his stiffening body into the entrance of what used to be a bookstore, tugging his coat around himself to stave off his chills. He closes his eyes.
He doesn't make it back. Mia never learns what happened to him.
--
Yoo Joonghyuk shakes the gore off his blade, glancing at the broken heap of a body at his feet. If he stared at it for long enough, he could almost remember that this mass of bubbled flesh was human once.
He continues to move forward, plunging his sword into every resurrected corpse he passes.
Slice. He severs dried-out arteries and hacks at gumming flesh.
Slice. Each lifeless thud mixes into the rhythm of his steps.
Slice. A head rolls.
Thud. A bone breaks.
Step. A corpse lunges.
Slice. Thud.
Step.
Slice.
Thud.
Step. Slice. Thud.
Step, slice, thud.
Step, slice, thud.
Slice, thud, step,
slice, slice, thud.
Step, slice,
step,
slice,
thud,
thud,
thud,
crack.
He caves the sternum of the last animate corpse in with a heavy kick. His boot sinks in. Flesh and ribs fly out. Old blood soaks his pant leg.
He stares down at the mass, wrestling his boot free from the cling of its chest.
He turns to his left, staring down the street. The odd incarnation runs between the shadows of the buildings, but he already has enough of a reputation in this turn to scare off the weakest of them.
He continues moving, towards a small convenience store with blacked-out windows. He moves to the back, knocking a rapid pattern on the STAFF ONLY door.
He waits. He doesn't get a response. The outside handle isn't on the door anymore, of course. It can only be opened from the inside.
He moves back to the front of the building. The handle is still jammed, and the door is still barricaded well. He can't smash in the windows, he knows they're barricaded too. He looks up.
There's a hole in the roof. There wasn't before.
He vaults himself into the air using Red Phoenix Shunpo, dropping into the store. The scant contents of a toppled over shelf crunch under his boot.
The hazy scent of concentrated rot assaults him. As his eyes adjust to the light level, it becomes obvious why Mia couldn't respond to him.
This method couldn't keep her safe either, then. He'd have to try something else.
Yoo Joonghyuk stares at the small body. He stares for a long time.
Step.
Slice.
His 39th turn ends in the quiet of that convenience store with a thud.
--
Mia laughs as Kim Namwoon chases after her, ducking underneath their picnic table to escape him. He tries to crawl under the table too, and gets kicked in the knees by both Lee Jihye and Shin Yoosung.
Lee Hyunsung admonishes the girls, holding back his sympathetic laughter at the whining groans Kim Namwoon makes. Lee Seolhwa covers her mouth beside him, trying and failing to hide her own chuckling.
Yoo Joonghyuk turns the meat over on the grill, a few bubbles of oil jumping onto his hands as it sizzles. He turns back to the cutting board on his left and continues chopping and dicing the vegetables Lee Seolhwa had gathered for them. He places the larger pieces on the grill as well, throwing the rest in a bowl to be tossed with oil and various herbs.
A small finger taps his elbow. Mia smiles, pressing up against him to unsubtly reach for the grill. He deflects her hand, his lip quirking up a little at her whining. He passes her a few vegetable slices to sate her hunger until the meat cooks through.
His 58th turn will end the same as all the others have. For now, he grills meat and vegetables while listening to the sound of his companions. For now, Mia's warmth sinks into his side.
--
Yoo Joonghyuk picks his sister up in his arms as soon as she opens the door, a rare smile on his face. She laughs at him, hooking her arms around his neck. He carries her through the entrance as she tells him about her day, quickly transitioning to asking him what there is for her to eat.
He sets her down to let her put her shoes away. He turns towards the kitchen, taking a tea towel off of a tray of fresh muffins he finished baking. Mia slides up beside him and takes two. They're still warm.
Mia excitedly discusses the visit they have planned with Namgung Minyoung this weekend. Yoo Joonghyuk gently scolds her, reminding her not to talk with her mouth full.
Someone laughs, telling him to lighten up.
Yoo Joonghyuk huffs, looking towards me and
I gasped and opened my eyes, nearly tumbling off of the subway seat. My smartphone clattered to the floor.
I sat up, the windows of the subway showing the colorful mess of Yoo Joonghyuk's life.
When was this? My lungs felt stuffy.
I rubbed my face with the saggy sleeves of my coat. I felt nauseous. Which regression turn was Yoo Joonghyuk on? When was I, again?
⸢ Kim Dok ja. ⸥
The Fourth Wall called out to me.
"Hng?"
⸢ En ou gh for now you sh ould re s t. ⸥
I dropped my hands and sighed, hiding my face in my knees. Was my body getting even smaller? My knees felt sharp, like when I was a child.
⸢ Slee p. ⸥
...I felt too drained to chat with The Fourth Wall right now.
I closed my eyes again and tried to focus. The subway car clunked along on its non-existent rail, taking me farther and farther away from 'reality'. The texture of the seat was smooth on my palm. The subway car's swaying almost felt soothing the longer I kept my eyes closed.
I thought about Yoo Joonghyuk. Everything I read, his pain, his grief... That guy really loved his sister, didn't he? The memory of his face made my chest hurt.
It would be nice if he could stay with her.
...Maybe he could, out there, somewhere in—
—in the world that I...
...
Soon enough, my consciousness slipped away, and I began to 'dream' again.
thank you for reading! you can find me on twitter @twigwing, if you'd like