wanting
Yoo Joonghyuk gets injured while clearing a scenario. Set during the 3-year gap.
a gift fic for discord server fellow chantilly!!
read over by the beloved pepper (thank you for reading on a deadline mwah mwah)
this fic is pretty much just about YJH having a concussion (and a cracked rib) for two weeks! also: sibling angst, Mia's Musings, and the charismatic LSH...
emetophobia CW: there is a brief mention of vomiting, found in the italic block flashback
originally published on ao3
Whenever Mia is left behind in the Industrial Complex, she becomes bored out of her mind.
Every day one of the members of their group—usually Lee Sookyung's companions—gets assigned to babysitting duty. When their companions aren't around, most of the people she gets handed off to are nobodies to her—people whose names she doesn't know and doesn't care to learn.
Sometimes she humors the people looking after her, but usually she finds opportunities to escape. She runs around the Complex, darting in and out of rooms, finding little spaces to crawl into, sneaking up on people to scare them, getting into things she knows she shouldn't, trying to worm her way into training sessions...
Sometimes, though, she curls up near a window and just... stares. At the ground, at the sky, at the outer walls, at everything happening in and around those ever-present things.
Which is how she notices the Chimera Dragon before it crashes to the ground, just outside of the Complex's main building, with a BOOM! that rattles the window's glass.
▪
Mia runs through the Complex, taking all the shortcuts she's found to get to the main building most efficiently. When she gets there she sees other members of the Complex running around, shouting orders, swarming the Chimera Dragon like ants.
She scans the area and spots Shin Yoosung sitting off to the side, looking as downcast as usual these days.
"Hey, Yoosung unnie!" Yoosung looks up at the sound of her voice. When she sees Mia's face, her eyes go wide and terrible.
"Yoo M-Mia... Um..."
"Didn't you guys go to clear a scenario? Why'd you come back like this?" She looks back over in the direction of the crashed Chimera Dragon. "And... where's my brother?"
Yoosung inhales sharply. There's a moment of silence, and Mia looks back at her. There's a fresh wad of gauze taped to her jaw, and there's blood all over her shirt. She looks tired.
"Joonghyuk ahjussi, he... Well," She pauses and squeezes her eyes shut, then forces herself to look at Mia properly. "Hyunsung ahjussi was protecting Gilyoung... and the hordes of monsters got worse, and I couldn't... I couldn't control them all, and then Hyunsung ahjussi... jumped in, and Joonghyuk ahjussi saw, and..." She brings a bloodied hand to her mouth.
Mia feels a chill run down her arms. "What happened?"
Yoosung shakes her head. "I think they'll be okay, but they're really hurt."
Mia feels her lip tremble as she frowns. She turns on her heel without excusing herself, running towards the wreckage of the Chimera Dragon.
The surrounding ground and pathways are torn up terribly. Looking into the distance, the tip of a building is missing—the Chimera Dragon must have crashed into it on the way down. She can hear the dragon's low growling from where it's curled up in a heap on the ground.
...She doesn't care about this thing. That's for Yoosung and Gilyoung to worry about. She has to find her brother.
"Um, excuse me!" She calls out to one of the Incarnations rushing around the scene, but they don't even turn to look at her.
"Can you help me?" She runs alongside another Incarnation, "Have any of you seen my oppa?" And tugs the sleeve of another, "Hey!" And blocks the way of another.
"What's this kid doing here?" One of the Incarnations pulling at rubble looks at her with annoyance.
"It sounds like she's looking for her brother?"
"Nh? Wait, isn't she that psychopath's sister?"
She fists her hands at her sides. Well, at least the idiots are paying attention to her now. "I'm looking for Yoo Joonghyuk!"
"Check the infirmary or something. Most of those guys got dragged off by—Hey, careful! That one looks heavy!" They cut themself off as two of the smaller Incarnations there try hoisting up a huge boulder-like piece of rubble.
"Those guys are crazy, man. Talk about a bunch of attention wh—OW!"
Mia pushes one of them out of her way, running off towards the Complex. If her brother got dragged off by a doctor that fast, that means he's really hurt.
▪
After even more running around Mia finally finds which wing of the infirmary everyone ended up in. Her feet are tired now, but the adrenaline of her search keeps her moving.
She skids to a stop at the mouth of a hallway when she sees Han Sooyoung exit a room, muttering to herself and rubbing her forehead.
"Ahjumma!"
Han Sooyoung's head snaps up to look at her.
"Hey, kid, where were you? We've been looking all over the place... Listen, Yoo Joonghyuk, he—"
"Yeah yeah, my oppa's hurt, I know. Where is he?"
Han Sooyoung makes a face at being cut off, but seems to decide that nagging Mia isn't worth it right now. Han Sooyoung sighs, gesturing down the hallway with her hand. "C'mere."
Mia follows. Since Han Sooyoung is short, she doesn't have to run after her like she does her brother. "So what happened anyway, ahjumma?" Yoosung told her enough, but she was crying more than talking. Maybe an adult can tell her more for once?
"It sounds like someone tried playing sacrificial idiot," she interrupts herself, clicking her tongue. "Damn it, this is gonna mess things up for a while... Anyway, it looks like Gilyoung broke his arm, Yoo Joonghyuk hit his head, and Lee Hyunsung almost had his head taken off."
Mia nearly trips over herself. "Taken off??"
"Y'know, decapitated. Like," she makes that cheesy neck-cutting motion with her thumb, punctuated with a mock-slashing noise. "Gone."
"I know what decapitation is."
"Right. Yeah." Han Sooyoung comes to a stop in front of a door, abandoning their conversation. "Go on. Should probably let Lee Seolhwa know you're here...? Gah, whatever, I need to check on Gilyoung first. Don't," She points at Mia. "Let him crawl out a window or something!" Then she takes off down the hallway.
Mia isn't sure if she should wait around for a doctor to let her in, so she goes ahead and pushes the door open. She's family—she can just go see him, right? That's how hospitals work, if she remembers correctly.
Well, it's the apocalypse now, so it probably doesn't matter either way...?
The room is dim, the blinds closed to not let any light other than a soft gray in. It's plain, and boring, and too clean. The big lump of black that is her brother looks out of place on the bed amongst all the white and soft medical blue.
She walks up to the bed.
His face is colored with deep reds—it looks like he was cleaned up kind of sloppily. There's a bright red line dripping out from under the wrapped up cold compress on his forehead. He isn't wearing his coat, and his sweater has been bunched up around his chest where some medical stuff is hooked into him. There's fresh, angry looking bruising all over his body, especially on his ribs. Mia wants to pull his sweater down to hide them, but she feels like she might break something doing that.
He's always seemed bigger than life to her, huge and caring and dependable, but right now he feels strangely small.
She reaches her hand out and places it on his head. His hair is unwashed. The greasy feeling mixed with the wetness of the cold compress makes her palm feel creepy.
"Oppa..." Her own voice sounds slightly distant to her ears. She can feel the adrenaline in her system crashing the longer she stares at him. Her face suddenly feels hot and prickly, which means she's going to start crying.
[The constellation 'Maritime War God' is looking at you with sad eyes.]
[The constellation 'Guam Divine Doctor' is looking at you with pity.]
She frowns. She's gotten used to the indirect messages, and her brother had given her some advice on how to ignore them better...
"Go away. Stop looking."
But right now, she just wants them to shut up.
[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is looking at you.]
"Go away!"
[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' sighs and shakes his head.]
Frustrating. She hates this. It's fine! Her brother wasn't hurt as badly as the big soldier ahjussi was, which means her brother will get better faster than him, and that means he'll be fine soon. So...
"It'll be okay. Because... you're the strongest."
She nods to herself, taking her hand off of his head. She scrubs at her eyes and does her best to hide her sniffling. This is her brother, so she doesn't need to worry about him!
After a moment she hears a light knock on the door. "Yoo Mia, are you still in there?"
She turns and sees Lee Seolhwa smiling faintly through the partially open door, a clipboard held to her chest. Mia gives her damp face one last wipe and hides her hands behind her back, putting on her best I-wasn't-crying voice.
"What is it, unnie?"
Lee Seolhwa enters the room, moving across the floor and pulling up a stool next to the examination table in one easy motion. She places her clipboard on her lap and rests her hands on it, looking at Mia for a moment before opening her mouth.
"Aileen-ssi and I finished our examinations. Gilyoung and Yoosung have minor injuries. Hyunsung-ssi will require extensive care for one month, at minimum."
"Okay." Mia isn't sure why Lee Seolhwa is telling her about the others. Maybe she thinks it would make her feel better? The others aren't really any of her business.
"Joonghyuk-ssi has a minor concussion and a cracked rib. His personal healing skills will help him recover faster, so he shouldn't need more than two weeks." She pauses, then smiles strangely. "Though I imagine he'll try to start moving as soon as he regains consciousness."
Mia looks down at her shoes. "My oppa is stupid like that."
"We'll be quite busy taking care of the Complex as usual. I was wondering, could I ask you a favor?"
Mia looks up and frowns slightly, unsure what a doctor could need from her. "What?"
"Could I trust you to keep an eye on Joonghyuk-ssi until he's better?" She brings a hand up to the side of her face to shield her mouth, like she doesn't want her brother to hear. "If anyone can keep him from running away it's you, right?"
Mia blinks at her. She likes Lee Seolhwa, kind of. She's smart and pretty, isn't openly afraid of her brother the way everyone else is, and sometimes spends time with her when her brother leaves her behind.
Most importantly, she's able to act forceful with him when he's being stupid. Out of all the people that that ugly friend of her brother's shoved together, Lee Seolhwa was... acceptable.
Mia nods, straightening her back a little to look more serious. "Of course I can do that. I was gonna anyway, you know?"
Lee Seolhwa slides off her stool, reaching over to pat Mia once on the head.
"I'm glad we're on the same page. I'll leave him in your care, okay?"
"If he tries anything stupid I'll just get Sangah unnie to tie him to the bed."
Lee Seolhwa laughs at that, then gives a quick goodbye, leaving Mia alone in the room again.
[The constellation 'Guam Divine Doctor' is looking forward to working with you.]
[100 coins have been sponsored.]
▪
She spends the next few days in her brother's hospital room, changing his bandages, applying cold compresses, waking him up every few hours, notifying the doctors of anything he needs...
It's pretty easy to keep on schedule when there's nothing else to do. And since she's taking care of him, no one has been sent to babysit her. Nurses check in every so often to ask if she wants to take a break for a few hours, but she always turns them away.
She knows her brother doesn't really need around-the-clock care, but it makes her feel better. It makes her feel helpful, for once.
[The constellation 'Guam Divine Doctor' says it's time to tend to your patient!]
She takes the cold compress off of his head.
Whenever she gets close to him she takes a good look at his face—he has some scars of different sizes now, breaking up his once-clear skin into different sections. All of his scars make him look really cool, but she also feels sad when she looks at him.
She gently pokes at the new one on his forehead, raw and red with those funny looking thin bandages holding it shut.
"Oppa," she calls. "You should wake up now."
His face sluggishly scrunches up. She pokes his forehead a little harder.
"Oppaaaa."
He makes a low noise, something both sleepy and annoyed.
"...Mia-yah?" He croaks out.
"Wow? Oppa, you sound horrible."
[The constellation 'Guam Divine Doctor' wants you to practice good bedside manners.]
"Here, drink some water."
She helps him sit up against the pillows, holding the glass of water to his mouth expectantly. He frowns slightly at her stare and takes the glass from her himself.
He drinks half the water in one big gulp. "...Why are you here?"
"Seolhwa unnie put me in charge of you."
His eyes squint shut and he rubs between his eyebrows. After a quiet moment he mumbles to himself, "Why did... Isn't Lee Seolhwa...?"
Mia takes the half-empty glass from him. "She doesn't want you doing anything you don't have to."
He grunts. "She has no right to order you around."
"Seolhwa unnie didn't order me to do anything." She turns her back to him to prepare a new compress.
"You don't need to do this."
"I want to." She turns back around, fresh compress in hand. "Lean back."
"I can do this myself." He protests, but leans back anyway.
She drapes the compress over his forehead, carefully balancing it so it won't slip and fall. "Does your head hurt bad, oppa?"
"Mmh."
"Want me to ask the doctors for stuff for it?"
"...No."
She rolls her eyes. She'll chase down someone later.
She pulls up a chair next to him, scooting it closer to lean her arms against the bed.
"Hey, oppa? Why'd you go and hurt yourself for that stupid soldier ahjussi?"
"We need Lee Hyunsung," he frowns, eyes falling shut again. "...To reach the end. He can't do anything unnecessary."
[The constellation 'Master of Steel' lowers his head.]
[A constellation that likes companionship is paying attention.]
She huffs. "He's really strong, though? He would've been fine. Probably." She knows resenting someone just because her brother got hurt is unfair of her, but she can't help herself. She doesn't like everyone else. Not really. They're all annoying, and they all walk around like ghosts ever since her brother's friend went and left them behind again.
It isn't fair of her. If her brother did what that ahjussi did, she... doesn't know what she would do, or how she would act, and other people would probably be annoyed by all her moping by now too. Maybe they already are.
"Yoo Mia. Don't treat life lightly."
She looks at him—his bruised skin, his messy hair, the dark circles under his eyes, the bandages that will be changed soon. All the scars laid on top of other scars.
She reaches out and gently puts her hand over his eyes.
"Go to sleep, oppa."
He sighs, and neither of them say anything else.
▪
The rest of the week is a lot of the same—Mia looks after her brother while he sleeps, they talk a little bit, and then he goes back to sleep.
He's... surprisingly cooperative? She expected to have to fight with him more. Maybe he hit his head harder than the doctors thought.
"Yoo Mia. Don't treat life lightly."
What her brother said the other day made her feel really bad, so she went to visit the soldier ahjussi. He looked like a huge, sad egg roll, all wrapped up in his bandages. He's even worse than her brother is, barely able to hold a single conversation. All he did was apologize the whole time, and then he looked like he was gonna start crying, and she really wasn't up for dealing with that.
She feels a pang of guilt over how dismissive she was of him just because she was upset...
[The constellation 'Master of Steel' hopes you can have a proper conversation with his incarnation.]
[A constellation that likes companionship agrees with 'Master of Steel'.]
Mia groans, leaning forwards to rest her elbows on her brother's bed. She watches the relaxed rise and fall of his chest and listens closely for the sound of his breath. The hospital room is mostly quiet, other than the sounds outside of its four walls.
The stillness makes her think of a tiny apartment, whole and unruined by any apocalypses or monsters or murderers. Cramped but cozy, with a kitchen as long as her brother is tall, the odd picture frame hung up with their sample photos still inside, a couch that always feels lumpy in front of a TV that hurts her eyes; and a dim bedroom, filled with her brother's light-up gaming setup, where he would let her sit with him as long as she promised to not break anything.
She leans in closer, gently resting her head on his stomach, mindful to not put pressure on his ribs. She instantly feels comfort wash over her from his warmth on her cheek.
They haven't gotten to spend much time together ever since the scenarios started. He's been more...
Closed off?
Distant?
It's frustrating. Sometimes, when she's feeling particularly sad and alone, she wonders if this brother is even the same brother she grew up with.
She knows that isn't true. He's just a little different now. Everyone is. He's just... been through a lot. Because of his dumb friends.
She turns her face into his shirt, mumbling to herself. "Oppa... D'you remember when I got sick when I was super little?"
It was soon after they started living together. She had caught a stomach bug, and he had to take time off from work to take care of her...
"Oppa..." Mia cries, her little voice echoing off the bathroom tile.
"What?" Her brother responds from further inside the apartment, distant but still audible.
"I'm gonna be sick again..."
She hears something clattering, then heavy footsteps approaching the tiny bathroom. He opens the door fully and stands inside the frame. He looks way too tall from her point of view on the floor.
"That's why you're in the bathroom. Be sick. You don't have to tell me every time"
She sniffles, feeling her skin crawl as her mouth begins to water in preparation for the bile.
"I hate it. It's yucky, I hate it..."
He sighs, stepping into the bathroom and crouching beside her. He puts a hand on her shivering back, big and warm and rubbing circles into her sweaty shirt.
She feels a little less scared, not having to be sick alone.
"I threw up so much... And you made me really salty soup and let me sleep in your bed..." She closes her eyes, feeling them begin to sting. She quiets her voice even more, barely a whisper now. "It's kind of a happy memory. Because of you. I like it when you take care of me. So I thought... maybe I could take care of you too."
She hears fabric shuffling and feels his stomach move a little, which means he's awake, but he doesn't say anything.
She feels his hand touch her head.
▪
After one week and three days her brother did try something stupid, and she did have to get Yoo Sangah to tie him to his hospital bed.
"Yoo Mia. This is ridiculous." He grits his teeth, only wincing a little bit.
She tuts at him the way she's heard Lee Seolhwa do. "Oppa, you need to rest. That means not doing things that can hurt your head! No physical activity, no combat, nothing!"
"Cooking is not combat."
"Cooking is a physical activity."
He sighs, annoyed. "I cook efficiently. I won't be standing for long."
Mia puts her hands on her hips. "And how were you gonna get to a kitchen? The closest one you're allowed in is upstairs. I don't think you can teleport."
His mouth flattens into a line, and then his face goes blank.
"See?" She reaches out and pats his head. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."
"Enough."
She snickers at him, knowing he'd push her hand away if his arms were free. She turns on her heel and runs out the door—she hears him call after her to wait, but the door closes and cuts him off. She isn't sure exactly how strong Yoo Sangah's threads are, but she kills people with them, so they can probably hold him for as long as it'll take Mia to get new food for him.
She runs through the hallways, avoiding other Incarnations and medical experts, poking her head into different rooms as she goes. Some of the adults she passes by try to get her attention, but she slips away from them before they can stop her. Can't they see she's busy?
She takes a corner a little too sharply and crashes into someone with a strangled oof.
"Oh—it's Mia! Can I help you? Also, please don't run in the halls."
Mia rubs her bonked nose and looks up at the voice. Lee Seolhwa stands in front of her, straightening out her clothes and smiling at Mia.
"Oppa keeps complaining about the food, so I wanna get him something else."
[The constellation 'Guam Divine Doctor' wants you to speak to his Incarnation with respect.]
Lee Seolhwa's eyes close slightly, her smile becoming awkward. She's probably getting messages from her Sponsor right now. She puts a gentle hand on Mia's shoulder, guiding them away from where people need to walk.
"Okay. Now," Lee Seolhwa crouches to sit on her haunches, closer to Mia's eye level. "What doesn't Joonghyuk-ssi like about the food?"
"He says it doesn't taste good." Mia puts her hands on her hips. "He's a big fussy idiot and won't eat something if he doesn't like it."
Lee Seolhwa laughs. "Well, that's no good. We need your patient to eat so he can heal nicely."
Mia nods.
"Hmm. What kinds of foods does he like the best? I can alter the meal plan he's on right now, if I know what to put on it."
Mia tilts her head in thought. Does he have a favorite food? She's only ever eaten what he's made for her, and they never went out to eat, or ordered takeout, or anything like that... So maybe he likes anything he's made for her?
"...I think he just likes his own cooking?"
Lee Seolhwa's smile falters, like Mia said something funny. "Unfortunately, he can't cook right now, so we can't feed him that. Is there anything he might eat easier?"
"Hmm... Steamed eggs?" He always made them for her, at least.
"Alright, I think we can manage that." Lee Seolhwa stands back up. "I'll adjust his meal plan as soon as I can. Would you like to join me in the cafeteria for a quick lunch?"
Mia glances out a nearby window. "Unnie, it's not lunch time. It's dark out."
"Okay, dinner then."
[Constellations that enjoy sharing meals are anticipating your answer.]
She considers her invitation with an exaggerated humming noise. She is kinda hungry... But she'd be leaving her brother alone for longer if she ate right now...
He'd be okay for at least another half-hour, right? He leaves her alone all the time when he's supposed to be the adult taking care of her. He can handle a little time by himself.
Mia nods. "Okay, but not for too long. I can't leave my patient alone."
"Not a problem, I can get a nurse to check in on him." Lee Seolhwa smiles at Mia again, extending a hand out to her. "Follow me this way."
Mia takes her offered hand, but only because there's stretchers that need to come down the hallway and she doesn't want to get run over.
▪
"How is it, oppa?"
Mia leans against her brother's bed, resting her head on her hands while watching him eat. He hums around his mouthful of eggs and rice, his brows furrowing the longer her chews.
"The eggs are tough."
Mia rolls her eyes. "Okay, but is it tasty?"
"It's... fine." He scoops more egg and rice out of his bowl with his spoon. The hot steam from the food puffs out with his breath as he puts it in his mouth. His eyes close as he swallows.
"Passable."
[Constellations that enjoy sharing meals are slightly disappointed.]
She smiles. "You're such a critic, oppa."
"Eating something tasteless is a waste."
"Is it that bad? Let me try." She leans in closer, opening her mouth expectantly.
He prepares her a spoonful and puts the food in her mouth.
"Hmm." Mia chews. The eggs are a little bit tough, almost rubbery... This was made with a monster's egg, so that's probably normal? Mia swallows.
"Definitely not as good as yours. This has less, umm... salt?"
Her brother nods, pushing up part of the egg in his bowl with his spoon. "The ratio of soy sauce to broth is wrong. It's a rich broth. And the rice is unseasoned."
Mia hums, beginning to tune out his silly complaints. "Well, make sure to eat it all up! Seolhwa unnie had it made just for you, so don't let it go to waste."
Her brother's hand stops halfway towards his mouth, his expression changing the tiniest bit. He pauses for a moment, but then continues eating.
Mia tilts her head. "What's wrong?'
"...Nothing." He takes another hesitant bite of his food, and then another.
Mia watches as he eats the rest of his food. There were a few things that made her brother react strangely—
The first was anything related to his stupid ugly friend. For some reason, her brother looks happy, but he also gets really angry. Mia couldn't understand it.
The second was anything about their life before the scenarios. This she could understand, because it made her sad too, but also sometimes happy. It seemed to just make her brother sad, in a way he never was before.
The third thing... Was it because she mentioned Lee Seolhwa?
Mia smirks. Her brother was too serious and stubborn for romance, or at least that's what she thought... Did he have a crush on her? He never showed any interest in anyone while she was growing up, and any time she asked about it he said he didn't have time for that stuff. She could understand, because boys are dumb and gross and have germs, but aren't most adults supposed to date or marry someone?
"Oppa gets reeeeeally weird about Seolhwa unnie. Do you like h-"
His head snaps to look at her, and his eyes shake.
"Don't mention her."
Mia flinches at his tone. It's the most real emotion she's heard from him in months, maybe even years.
...He was angry?
"S-Sorry. I'm sorry, oppa."
Or, not angry, but... What was that cold, sharp voice?
Mia feels like she's done something very wrong. She takes her arms off the bed, folding her hands in her lap and looking down at them.
She often got in trouble with him growing up, but it was never anything too serious. He never seemed to care what stupid kid things she did, as long as she ate all her food and did all her homework and went to bed on time.
...Maybe he actually hated Lee Seolhwa? No, that couldn't be right. She knows what him hating someone feels like.
This was more like... sadness?
After a moment she hears him sigh, and then the sound of his spoon hitting his bowl again.
He finishes his food, setting the empty dish aside to be taken away later. The room becomes quiet, and Mia suddenly finds herself overcome with the knowledge that her brother will be let out of the hospital—and out of her reach again—soon.
She stands up, moving to put her knee on the bed.
"Um... Can I sit with you?"
He looks at her, then moves over to make room without protest. She crawls up and carefully cuddles herself to his side. She can feel him stiffen at the contact, but he eases into the touch the longer she stays there.
He never was overly touchy, but Mia sometimes forced him to be. The longer they lived together, though, the less and less time they spent like this.
She lightly pokes his side, angling her head up to look at him. She speaks in a small voice, "Orabeoni, when you're all better, you should make your steamed eggs again. I miss your cooking."
He looks down to meet her eyes, his usual blank expression on his face. He blinks at her.
"I'll make you something."
She smiles a little, hearing his normal voice. "I want barbeque, too. And spicy tuna stew. And jujube tea!".
He stares at her, like he's looking for something in her expression. She holds her smile as she stares back, hoping her face isn't doing that weird flat-mouthed fake smile instead of her real smile, the one that used to make him do whatever she wanted him to. His eyes eventually slide off her face, staring ahead at the empty wall.
"...I'll have to make some substitutions.".
Mia curls her legs up, resting her knees against his. "That's fine. You're really good at cooking with monsters and stuff. You could make a cookbook."
"Hm."
"Maybe if you made a cookbook, everyone else would finally be able to make tasty food. Sometimes I think you're the only person in the world that can actually cook."
He huffs, the closest thing to a laugh he has. "That may be true."
Her smile softens, and she looks down at his blanket. His hands are resting on his lap. They're rough, and scarred, and so different to how they were only a little over a year ago.
Mia hesitates before speaking next.
"...I remember at school, all the other kids would get jealous of my lunches. Some of them would try trading food with me just so they could have some. There was even one time where a girl tried stealing my lunchbox. I told you about that, right, oppa?"
She feels her brother shift beside her to lean his head back against his pillows, which allows Mia to rest her head on his chest better.
"...Yes. I remember." His head lightly touches hers, and she feels her heart get warmer.
"I was so mad! She had her own lunch, why did she need to have mine!?"
Her brother hums, the both of them falling back into silence. Mia wants to say more, feeling a jumble of words get stuck in her mouth, but she can't figure out how to say them.
She wants to talk about how silly she felt. She wants to talk about him dropping everything when she came home that day to placate her childish crying. She wants to hear about it again from his perspective, to know how he was really feeling back then. She wants to relive all those small, happy memories that she feels are now forever out of reach.
She wants to talk with the brother that she misses so much.
She knows he wants her to stay safe. But, does that mean he never wants to see her? Doesn't he wish she could be by his side? Doesn't he miss her, too?
Her being safe is unbearable when the person she loves the most is out there fighting every day.
Mia swallows, feeling her anxiety about upsetting him come back to her. She wants to ask. She has to ask, before he can leave her again.
"Um... Orabeoni? Can you... not leave me behind anymore?"
She waits. Two seconds, three seconds.
"I mean, can you spend more time with me?"
...
"I don't even have to do the scenarios! I just... Sookyung ahjumma isn't any fun lately, and Grandma Boksoon tells the same stories every day, and..."
Mia sits up from her warm spot, turning around to face him. She feels herself get cold. His eyes are emptier than usual, and they make her feel scared.
...Maybe it was a bad idea to talk about the past? She should know better.
She leans in without asking first, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face into him.
"You don't have to do everything all the time! Heewon unnie and Sangah unnie are really strong, and Gilyoung oppa and Yoosung unnie get better every day. Our companions can handle it, can't they?"
She doesn't feel him inhale or exhale. He doesn't tilt his head towards or away from her. He doesn't hug her back. She feels heat rise in her throat, and it makes her voice sound so small and childish.
"...Can you at least promise to be more careful?"
Slowly, she feels his hand touch the back of her head. It makes her want to cry.
"I... will, Mia-yah."
She knows that tone of voice. It's almost imperceptibly different from his usual monotone—it's a little warmer than usual, a tiny bit gentler.
She heard it, sometimes, before the scenarios started. The few times she had to go to the doctor for something scary. When he had to go away for some of his pro-gamer events, while trying to figure out what to do with her. Whenever she found him hunched over his desk, half-awake, agonizing over things she couldn't quite understand.
And she's heard it during the scenarios, too.
When he tells her he's okay. When he promises he'll be back soon.
It's the voice he always uses when he lies to her.
Mia sighs, and squeezes her stinging eyes shut.
thank you for reading! you can find me on twitter @twigwing, if you'd like